Long Live and Prosper

Posted April 1, 2014 by Jan

Bangkok

Thailand

April 1, 2014

Hello,

I haven’t mentioned this to anyone before because it was such a long shot. Astronomical, really. I never thought that I would even have a remote chance. But now …?

Last Easter, (Orthodox Easter), the USA National Aeronautical and Space Administration, NASA, in conjunction with the Russian Federal Space Agency, Федеральное космическое агентство России or the FKA, sent out a notice to several hundred travel bloggers. Including yours truly.

They were looking for an experienced traveler and travel writer to ride to the International Space Station. They wanted to transport someone talented who could write an arresting essay about their visit there. (You know. Something like the New York Times “36 Hours in Ocho Rios.”)

The requirements are quite stringent: decent physical condition, current Passport valid for at least 90 days, travel experience beyond the Caribbean, and the ability to feel comfortable in Slavic cultures. (Ha! Jan? Polatschek??)

Single and “mature” is also an advantage. Just in case anything unforeseen happens, either during the training somewhere in Kazakhstan, or during the blast-off somewhere in Siberia, or during the re-entry heat and friction somewhere in the Ukraine, or somewhere, you know, as they say at NASA, “up there.”

Well, I just got a message on my mobile phone. (How the hell did they find the number?) It’s good news. I am on the “Short List.”

So, please, пожалуйста, if you have any connections in US Government, or with the Russian nomenklatura, write a letter, send an email or a telegram or a tweet, or Skype your favorite politician. In case you might have one.

I know it’s not the Moon, but this could be one small step for a man.

Sure, this project is lunacy. But how can I not take a stab at it? Imagine the photos I can send back to you!

Out of respect, the winner will not be announced until just after the end of Pesach.

Thanks so much. And who knows? Maybe my heirs will thank you too? G-d, forbid.

Long live and prosper,

Captain Jan

.....................................................................................

Responses:

OMG !!!

The Ultimate Traveler.

Talk about an incredible journey. Here's hoping you're THE one. "When you wish upon a star......"

That's a really exciting opportunity! Fingers crossed for you.

				 
					Jan, I'm full of envy =)

					Go up to the stars, tell us what is the feeling...

					Good luck!!!

					You GO Jan, you Go! I am going to live vicariously through you:) 

					Hi Jan: I had a hunch that you would be the first earthman to hook up with some cute big black eyed space alien babe. Looks like I might be right!..Have fun and good luck...send photos!.

					So excited for you – I know there is not a better travel writer or photographer than you.  Have my fingers crossed for you – to go and to return safely. Good luck!

						This is truly amazing.  I would be very jealous of you if you were selected, and it sounds like you've got a good shot!  What would you need to do to prepare for something like that?

						My father agrees with me that this would be extremely cool.

					Good luck!!  Hope you get the gig!!

						how fantastic

						le-hatslahah

						One small step for mankind (I prefer humankind) one great step for Jan.

						How EXCITING!!!!

					GUD LUCK ON THIS ENDEAVOR

					Wow! This would be an astounding adventure. But if it doesn't work out, there's always the earth, a pretty fabulous planet in its own right.

					WOW!  Good luck, Jan.  Please keep us posted!

					Good luck.  If you make it up there I'll wave to you.   Please sing Camp Ranachqua songs on your way up. 

						Congratulations for making the short list for the long trip! Here's wishing you good thoughts for actually making the space station journey!

					I am thrilled that you are being considered for this adventurous opportunity. I used to have a pretty good relationship with Vice President Biden, in fact my son was on his staff 22 years ago when he was in the Senate. I will be more than happy to write to him on your behalf. Can you give me some contact or reference information from NASA that I can include in my letter? Good luck!

					Insh'allah, good luck Jan...

					Best wishes, Jan, for any & all of your Intergalactic Travels, near & far

					What an incredible happening. Keep us informed . 

						Oh, my goodness!  We are so excited about your trip to the International Space Station.  I am praying that you are selected.  I have never been a jealous person, but I am green with envy.  I would love to do into space before I die.

						What do you mean by "on the short list?"  How many are being considered.  Please tell all!!!!!!  Pesach is very close.

						Jan, we are so excited.  Please keep us updated every time you learn something.  PLEASE.  I can barely wait to get the outer space pictures.  Take lots!

						Love, prayers and the BEST of luck,

					WOW.....you are reaching new heights :) 

					"Wow Jan I'm impressed good luck to you"

					Congratulations! That's thrilling!

					Hope for a Pesach miracle.  You will be "passing over" the earth!

					do you need a Visa?

						To whom it may concern:

						Jan Polatschek is one up on all your other candidates as he is already "spaced out".  So please, please, please, get this guy outta here before falls down another open manhole..

					Is this an April fools joke?

					April Fools!!!

					April Fools!!!!

					April Fool!  ; )

					April Fool, back at you! Certainly, they do not take seventy year olds!!    Don't forget, we high schoolers know your age.

					No fucking way.  This is an April Fools gag.

Category:

April Fool's Day, etc.